This ache that I feel is slowly radiating out, leaving nothing but a shell of the girl I used to be in its wake. I'm afraid that some day, I will wake up, and it will have consumed all of the happiness that I feel, and all that will be left is an emptiness and a void.
This thing inside of me eats away at everything. Its a darkness that I can't seem to shake. It over shadows all the good in my life, encroaching on the light I see.
I'm afraid that someday I won't be able to see the light that I'm grabbing for.
The only thing holding the darkness and the emptiness at bay, is the moment of safety I feel. The only two words that come to mind are safe and home when those moments happen. I reach for that everyday, and pray it never leaves me, that it will always be there, my guiding light in this oppressive darkness.
To lose that light would allow the deep ache and pain I feel to finally overcome me, and leave me as an emptiness, just a random act of hopelessness.
I once was vibrant with life, and light and hope. But when life throws everything it has at you, and tries to tear you into shreds, you become one of the mass of hopeless and lost. That vibrance, I hold onto with every shred of my existence, hoping that someday I can bring it back into the fullness of my life.
But for now, I cling to the light in my life. And pray that the ache and emptiness doesn't kill me.
